Time for a change

When something isn't working, you change it. Modify it until it does work. Out with the old, in with the fresh. Spray a little Febreze. All that good stuff.

So. This isn't working. I missed class Friday for a gymnastics show, which was pretty cool, but not nearly as cool as understanding parametrized curves would be. And I do not understand. I have read the book twice, and yet, I am still wandering lost somewhere between P0 and P1. I cannot tell you what they traverse, in which direction they traverse it, or whether they stop at some point and have hot, steamy carnal relations, producing little P3 in the blink of an I = f(J) that is the gestational period of a P. But I digress.

The point is that my current method of studying is not working. This is that method: 1) sit in front of the computer. 2) Initiate willpower. 3) Begin surfing blogs and facebook and guild forums and anything else that will delay the inevitable onset of homework for a few minutes. 4) Realize that I have to do something else or that the day is over and I am out of time.

This method used to work. Back when I was 16 and in the throes of degree no. 1, this worked. But, back then, I had way more time and way fewer distractions. The internet had not yet become the powerhouse of diversion that it is now and my access to it was a lot less constant and uninterrupted. I didn't carry a powerful portable computer everywhere with me. (My backpack was still the size of a small child though. Go figure.)

Anyway, here's the solution:

1) No more missing classes. I will have to cut back on gymnastics activities for this semester, because otherwise I am going to painfully and miserably fail my classes. I don't need that kind of pain and misery.

2) A system of rewards. A system of cheap, immediate rewards. I study for two hours, then I go to the co-op at school and buy a microbrewed ginger ale/cream soda/ginger beer/cherry soda/root beer. I like these and I can put a $1.30 soda in the budget 5 days a week. (The budget is tight atm in order to make it so I can afford to go to Chicago this summer.)

3) Set study periods no longer than 2 hours. I don't have the attention span to sit for 7 hours. Yes, I used to. Now is not then. Get over it, I should, mmmm.

4) I have to stop planning to travel on the weekends. I have to work at work too much during the week for the weekends to be available for going home. The folks will just have to wait til Spring break to see me.

And done for now, because I'm starting to be sleepy. Sleepy is a very good way to feel for someone who doesn't sleep but has to work/study on a normal schedule. Normally, sleepy eludes me pretty effectively.

homework

aka, I have the attention span of a wasp. buzzzz....

Getting back on track

This blog has lost its way since I started writing it. It was intended to be a vehicle/chronicle of and for my attempts to be less weird, broke, and lonely. Time to get back on track. How? First, finish all my math homework for next week today. 2nd, plan out the writing of my programming project. 3rd, make a budget, apply to the tefl class, and follow up on the housing thing, and sublet my room if I can, so I can go to Chicago this summer. 4th, start training again. 5th, fix my sleep schedule already. 6th, skate race, properly trained for.

The sun has set and the day is done and is about time...

I started to brush my teeth with sunblock. That's the sort of day it's been.

Just a couple of things, and Fem 2.0, pt. 1

Just a quick post tonight, with more to come tomorrow. (I have massive amounts of homework due tomorrow morning. Even with half of it done, the remainder is still massive.)

But, I just wanted to say that I did actually make it to Fem 2.0 today. I'm glad I went. I asked my mom's question and I think I got some good answers. I have to edit the audio and get it up here. I'm stoked to also hopefully go to She's Geeky in April and BlogHer in July. I think both might be right up my alley and might also give me some good networking possibilities and just a chance to get out there and talk to people.

I would like to address two specific things though, to my regular readers as well as the conference-goers, should any of them read this, especially those in the session where I asked my question. My question was basically "What is feminism?" Here goes.

First of all, my intent was not to label anyone a feminist. I was under the impression that that was the accepted, even expected term. I see that that isn't the case, but I am still a little confused, because the initial reaction I got to my question is the same reaction that I got from my mom when I brought up BlogHer. I had some light shed on that, in my mom's case, being a reaction to social feminists. And I need to investigate that term further. But, I don't understand why it isn't a good thing to be labeled a feminist. Forgive me for my ignorance, but I don't get it.

And if the issue is being labeled in general, as opposed to being able to just exist, I do get that.

The second issue I'd like to address is the name of my blog: WeirdBroke & Lonely came about because for much of my life, I have been lonely. I was one of those children who was too different to fit into the social milieu and straddled the worlds of children and adults very early and for a very long time, because I went to college very early and in times and places without real infrastructure to support me through that process and the process of becoming adult in that environment.

And now, as an adult, I don't drink (alchohol) and don't hang out with people who are drinking alchohol, and I dress Islamically (long sleeves, long shirt, long pants or skirt, headscarf, no face veil), and pray 5 times a day, and don't shake hands with men. Yet at the same time, I run and do anything I have the opportunity to do, especially in active arenas or sports. And all of that, combined with my unique upbringing, keeps me outside of my generation even now. There isn't really any hope for that, that I can see.

If my vision is limited, by all means enlighten me, but by and large I am considered weird by those who would be my peers, friends, confidantes, which leaves me without peers, friends, confidantes, except for one very special individual whom I don't get to see much, you know who you are. :)

In general though, I see myself being very lonely for a very long time to come. The title just acknowledges that, which takes away some of its power. When I studied martial arts more actively, they taught us that the punch that hurts the most is the one that you don't see coming. So by recognizing that I am weird and lonely, I ease some of the hurt that causes.

The broke is a tongue in cheek reference to being in school and isn't quite accurate anymore. Yay!

Special thanks to those who answered my questions. All in all, being at the conference was worth missing classes and work and having a hectic day today. :}

Things I would want to remember if I ever got amnesia (1)

My sister, whom I love dearly, once told me that I have majestic handwriting. I love that. I would want to remember that.

soso is ok sometimes

I talked to my dad on the phone today. Mom too. :)

And I started my budget, which needs finishing asap, and my homework, which isn't due for another two days, at least, one day now.

I'm thinking to write the story of this dragon I was writing about for a choose your own adventure forum game that the players lost interest in. The adventure was ish, but I like the idea I had for the story so I think I'll try to write it. And now, back to trash tv (but online :D ) and intermittent bursts of homework.

And I already prayed and I think I'll brush my teeth now and then when I get tired, I can just pass out. I took the day off already, but now I'm debating actually going to Fem 2.0 tomorrow to ask people what feminism is, or not. We'll see. All I ask of myself is not to let fear and inertia rule the day. If I go, go to be there. If I don't, don't for a good reason. That's all I ask of myself.

I could always go in the morning and then not miss my classes, too. I like that idea.

You know what? I need to go, for my mom. Because it isn't clear, because women like us, she and I, don't know what the word means, and because there's this negative connotation to it that I don't think it deserves.

I should go to that conference. I should do the first year of Obama project too. That's where, starting exactly one month after the inauguration of Barack Obama, I ask one person a day (or, more accurately, I get one usable audio quote per day) about what they think of Obama. And at the end of the year, I have a record and an audio piece and maybe, a pretty cool collection of vox populi. (I think that is the correct term.)

PS: I am in love with Halushki's writing style:

A nuclear family outing, motoring through suburbia at $2.89 per gallon on our way to the local indoor shopping establishment, trying to enjoy our drive even though we can actually hear the thin white needle of the fuel gauge slashing through our bank account like the sleek, sharp scimitars of so many miniature Saudi princes…

http://www.halushki.com/2006_04_01_archive.html

That is poetry.

PPS: I don't get to be miserable anymore, because it looks like my family isn't going to block my plans for the summer. (Don't get all liberationist on me, It's an old-fashioned approach. :) Anyway, being able to make plans is a beautiful thing, even if I won't quite believe them until the airplane wheels touch down this summer and my brother goes back home.

PPPS, because I just can't seem to finish this: Be very fucking careful what you wish for. Remember this little gem of poor amateur verse? Yeah. That's all I'ma say. Just, yeah.