Thursday, November 27, 2008

2 weeks ago, lady loaned me her coat



2 weeks ago Wed, masquerade party



this week, went to movies, just before thanksgiving break


game boys


I don't mind if the guy I like way way too much doesn't like me. It'd be nice if somebody did though, and not in a platonic "omg, we're friends, giggle, man giggle" way either." More of a "oh, your...arms...they're so..armish..kiss me...kiss me..." way. lol, I am so weird. Awesomely weird. :)
:P

OMG. He doesn't like me! Get over him. Jeez.

Also, this stupid recap post has been sitting on my machine for over a week. I need to finish it already so I can get to posting more. I'm going to write my life story to date: my L-Sod, pronounced el sod. Us geeks love our acronyms. How did the acronymically inclined writer with a speech impediment dictate the second book in his series? He LISPed out a SQL. HarDeHarHar. :D I know. That was bad.

So tired, today is December 4 and I have been up since Dec 3 at 6 ish am. and I have a test tomorrow. Yay. And my project is not done to my liking. I am changing things next semester, hopefully. This is not cool at all.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Never lie down for "five minutes" if you're really tired and you need to get whatever you're doing done.
Sooooooo tired.
starDate 12; Captain's log;

So very tired. This is the second night in a row that I have been awake. But hey, my poker game works. It's kind of cool, too. :) AND I found out how to do the projects. Yar! You have to finish early enough to go to the TAs and get help making it work, if you need it.

I hate the stupid kissability, moistrosity Edge shave gel commercial. Hate it. Vengeance. That kind of hate.

I need to find a clip. It inspires the sort of hate you want to share with youtubers.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Aargh, busy. I quit Wow for a month. I just have to move the rest of my bank's mail to a place where it won't get deleted. School is more important. Yay! School is more important. I couldn't do it without the guild I'm in either. It's hard to make a game more important when all you people don't. :D

I r lucky. Now if only I could g. The sun was shining and it was chilly but not cold, you know those crisp Fall days? But the phone is doing the busy signal thing again, which means either that cats were making calls or that the wires are damp again. :-/

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I'm starting a new feature today:

It's an advice column for my classmates/fellow students. I figure from my semi-exalted outside-looking-in position as a 2nd Bachelor's student of advanced age I have the distance and experience needed to give advice that will be summarily ignored. Omg, you're old enough to be dead... Well yes, isn't everyone?

Anyway. Here is episode 1 of Dear Classmates.

Dear Classmates,

I realize that during your formative years you bedded down with the cows and chickens at night. The cats cuddled up to your warm back and the dogs curled round your legs. In the morning, you stumbled out the open barn door and headed off for the 50 mile trek to school. Well guess what?? Your agrarian phase is over! Welcome to the world of doors to be closed and tissues and bathrooms with flushing toilets! Welcome to modern life! As you progress through this manual, you will learn all about dealing with modern conveniences and sensibilities.

Today's lesson has to do with yawning. More specifically, today's lesson covers what to do when you yawn. Let's have a quiz, shall we. Sure, college is all about pop quizzes.

When you yawn, you should:

a/ Make it as loud as possible and blow as much of your breath on your neighbor as possible. This is called the 'sharing of the breath' and is a common custom.

b/ Titter helplessly as though you didn't mean to yawn, but your body got the better of you all of a sudden.

c/ Politely cover your mouth.

If you didn't answer c, go back to your barn or look for me and don't sit next to me in your classes. I'm the veiled one. I will punch your fucking teeth out. Next time, we will address gum or maybe anger management. This has been Dear Classmates. Until next time, be less annoying.
OK, programming is for me. Admittedly, the server queue is > 1k, but I could be playing a different game while I wait and instead, I'm working on my project, not because I'm worried about it, but because I have an idea that might make it very easy and I want to see how it'll work.

Very cool.

Also, TdIL is annoying. Every time I think I could get over him and go on and find Duty Brother, if I'm lucky, he does something nice and I like him even more. Ugh. He'd either be mortified or laugh at me if he read this. Possibly both. I am crushing bad. Except this doesn't feel like a crush. Not at all. Blegh. Yurgh. /cry He'd like me if my legs were visible. Well, between the legs and the former hair he would anyway. Although, I am partial to the current hair, too. I miss my locks a little, but I needed the ROP. I'll explain that sometime.

Eh, nobody is worth that though. Although, he'd be the one that was if anyone. I am an idiot. I admit it. Freely.

This is not fair. Being weird and lonely works as long as you don't want anybody else. #$^$##%#@%#$^&This is not fair.

Yay. And my folks will read this, assuming anybody even still reads this and be like "ohno, Duty Brother, where is he, find one, quick!! omg, omg, freak out more." *grumble*

I don't want to have Duty Brother's babies. I'm tired of settling. Of course, not dying a virgin would be nice too. Not enough to want to have Duty Brother's babies, though. :-/

To the parental units: this is a blog. It's me, for real. If you want to harbor imaginary visions of me, don't read it. I'd like it if you did read it though. I feel like you don't know me. Like you haven't in a very long time. Like you have the total wrong idea. I don't know. I'm sorry if I'm wrong. Well here you go.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The problem with cooking for one is recipes like this, that require 2 Tbs flour and 1 Tbs of brown sugar. ....Where do you buy staples in miniscule amounts? Not to mention, where in the heck are you expected to store all that crap. My "pantry" is next to my shampoo, above my clothes. Yeesh.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

omgogmogmogmggo omg. Excited! More later, insha'Allah. Also, tired. Sooo tired. I stayed up last night. This is nothing compared to the tired I will feel tomorrow, I'm guessing. I'm hoping on a proverbial 2nd wind though. :D

Later. I have to finish my calc hw before I go meet Ad.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Tired.
Now! I mean it!

ok
Go to bed!

Zain (my awesome Bro #2) told me about imeem (I know, I'm behind the times) and they have this:

Superman - UPenn Off the Beat

I love that song.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I have a talent for missing opportunity. Also one for dwelling on it.

So. I didn't vote. A black man was elected to office and while I knew the state would go my way, I wasn't part of it. I voted in the last 2 elections but not in this one. I was too busy.

I have to stop being the kid lying on the floor alone while everyone else eats chocolate cake downstairs.

Ok, yes, I was studying and that time will maybe save my semester, but I still feel bad about it. Normally, I could care less which bad candidate wins but this time I wanted an Obama win. I didn't think he would win at all, but I wanted him too. And I didn't vote. My ballot wasn't cast.

/sigh

How much do tests matter? Actually, the problem is not the test or the election. The problem is that I didn't start the semester very efficiently.

So, fix that. Fix it. No beating myself up. I didn't vote, but I was there and I was doing what I was supposed to be. No beating myself up.

I'm taking the night off too, insha'Allah. With maybe an occasional math homework break. And I'm home. Yay! First time in a while.

No regrets. Move on. It's done. Move on.
I is tired wurk tooƂ hard
more animals

Soo worn out.
Oh, yeah, new idea for a public radio piece. It seems that I will be too chicken to actually interview people, plus, I don't really have time right now. So, I will interview myself and tell my story and get it out and use I a lot. A LOT. And then maybe I can get past it and be more. Because no, no one else cares anymore that I didn't get to learn any of the non-academic things in life, but I care, to me it matters way too much.

Maybe it'd help.
Finished my Tuesday Calc HW. 10/10 Woot. I am so tired. I don't have a clue about arrays either and I have no food at home and I need to cook.

But, hey, my underwear and socks are clean. :D It's amazing how depressing lack of clean underwear can be. Socks too, but to a lesser extent. It's not like you can just, yuck, put on dirty underwear out of the hamper though. Not that I wear dirty clothes out of the hamper. No really, I don't. I keep my dirty clothes with my clean clothes, on the floor. Skyhooks ftw. Just kidding, I wash my clothes regularly. :P

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Got most of Tuesday's homework done. Know how to do the rest. Getting ready to make the deck class for my poker class. A class is part of a Java program, Mom. :)
I forgot what I was going to write in the time it took to log in. Oh, I remember: I forgot to ask for decaf. I'm at CakeLove again. I can feel the caffeine starting to course through my veins. This is NOT a good thing. Crud.

Oh, I went to DC to find about about GW TKD this morning. I missed the class and then got lost and totally missed it. WTB streets that actually are where they geographically should be. Fewer circles, k thx. But, I saw a bunch of people with sparring gear coming out from the class and talked to them. So now, at least I know where they practice.

Also, stare central. Yeesh. @ GW people: Muslim, not terrorist. Not monster, not freak. Human being. Muslim. Like, I pray 5 times a day. I could care less about hurting you. I have better things to do. Like do shit despite you.

Anyway.

I'm learning to play poker. No, really, the next project for comp sci is a poker game so in order to implement the class, I have to learn the rules of poker. Interesting, so far. It looks like a fun project. I think I kind of like programming. I might like it more if I could just get my time under control. We'll see.

Tuesday, insha'Allah, I am going to the tkd class. I have to email them. I realized I'm not going to have friends/more of a life without changing something. Although, I'm not even sure I want or need either. Well, friends would be nice, but except for people, my life is pretty full.

I came out to my guild as a super-genius type smart person, not really though. I just told them about getting kicked out of nursing school for being 14. That was probably a good thing though, considering the international or Western world value of an African nursing degree. I need to do a story of my life series of posts. In due time. It'd probably be good for me.

Anyway, the conclusion I've come to is that it is a liability, not an asset to have been that..not smart, but whatever I was, that early. Shoot, I didn't even tell them I started college when I was 9. It seemed pretentious, like: *in haughty voice* "well, no, actually, I was extremely, awesomely, hugely smart." Even though it wasn't like that. It is not worth a whole lot now, except for weirdness and the fact that I have no clue how to be. All I can do, I think, is not let the starers and asswipes matter enough to hurt me or to stop me from doing something I really want to do. There's not much else for it. I'm not really a person. I don't know how to exist and they don't teach that sort of thing, if you miss it from 9 to 19, when all the normal people learned it. Whee.

Anyway, back to work.

Anyway. I figured I'd say it again, since I've said it so much already in this post.

ANYWAY.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I'm getting sleepy. Also, TdIL is still inappropriate and might laugh at me if he ever read this. Although, perhaps not in a mean way, even though he'd say something mean which wouldn't really be mean. Which is why I like him. He still thinks I'm weird, and possibly ugly. Oh cruel, cruel world. /drama /melodrama

Back to work. 30 min more of studying. But, hey, I can do freaking exponential problems now. Must collapse into bed the instant I get home. The Instant. The laptop must not leave the backpack. The desktop monitor must not be turned on. Brush the teeth. Change the shirt. Blegh, my sleep shorts are dirty, like the majority of my clothes. :-/

Sleepy. Sleepy. Sleepy. Sleepy. I'm going to try to debut my podcast this weekend, insha'Allah. I have 2 episodes recorded, although I don't know if the 2nd will make it to air. The first was surprisingly good when I listened to it on playback though. At least, I thought it was. :)

Mom can listen to it. :D Although, I don't even think she reads this blog now. I have no readers. None. Even my internet persona doesn't have any friends. /tears of bitterness /laugh at me /back to work

au revoir, peeps. peace, love, and unity. salaams

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Noting for posterity, so I don't forget. I need to find out what to do with this degree and any possible graduate degree. I get to be new and malleable and not determined again, even more so this time, cause I'm grown! Hahahaha, I'm free!

So: Winter and Spring breaks and summers will be partially spent in different places in different environments doing different things. I have a good job, alhamdullilah and not huge expenses and I have skills. I can probably afford to go off somewhere for a week between semesters or a month in the summers and go learn about some field or industry.

Must do that. Must plan ahead. Will work for free if I can't get something paid, insha'Allah. The dragon stirs, folks. The dragon stirs!

Back to work, #Q% #@$#%#$ ^#@%@ % Calculus.

/cry /wail Frickin' relevant to my degree. /grumble
I fucking hate Calculus. With all my fucking heart. Fuck.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Almost forgot, I'll put it here for posterity. PUBLIC RADIO. I want a piece on This American Life. Not a whole show. Just a piece. About something I think is cool or somebody I find interesting or something.
My Calc teacher, who is this adorable old man who has probably forgotten more Math than I'll ever learn, gave us the practice test for Friday today. Omg. I understand like 90% of it. And what I don't understand is the stuff for which I missed lectures. (I was sick one day, and the other I hit snooze too early and the alarm didn't go off again and when I woke up it was already like 9. Class is at 8. It sucked too, because there was a quiz that should have been easy for me that day. I was fairly bummed.)

Anyway, I might might Insha'Allah, zomg, be able to do well on this test. A B maybe or dare I hope? Dare I, an A?

Shut up. Yes, I used to be the queen of As, A+s even, but this is a new life practically. Just wait til I make it kick in. Just wait til I start kicking asses and chewing bubble gum. Just wait til I run out of bubble gum. Yeah, you just wait.

Anyway, I have about 100 practice problems to do between now and Friday. Let the designing of improbable fences with very precise dimensions begin! If I ever have a horse, Insha'Allah I will not care about the absolute maximization of his paddock, but yeesh, I might be able to calculate it.

....

Not an awesome thought.

Guild is still hemorrhaging people left and right. (Also, hahahaha, gloatiness! I spelled that right the first time! Without spellchecker! Hahaha!)

The little things make me happy. Back to work.
Home. Hooooooome. Hoooome, sweet, dirty, cluttered home. I will clean and shop and cook on Friday, hopefully. Then, the plan is to log on to wow and make several heroic bosses cry. Cry. Then, maybe pwn some noobs in BGs. Disengage, what?

I'm not even unpacking anything but this laptop. Not even the adapter. Insha'Allah, I'm going to finish this post, log on and make sure I haven't been hacked today, and holler at the guildies, who may or may not holler back, being a taciturn collection of inverts, at least part of the time. Then again, maybe it's me.

I need to post on Craig's list too: wanted, one similar wierdo-loving freak to throw calculus problems at over the web. I may meet you for a coffee should you not prove to be the sort of creep who generally? frequents Craig's list.



He fucking won. Holy shit. Do your job, secret service. Keep the man alive.
It's not fair. I have to study Calculus. I still don't know what to do with my life. My daddy stunted my growth. I like, not am crushing on, zomg would have his babies a guy who is totally inappropriate and thinks I'm weird, oh, and possibly ugly. And, worse, appropriate men bore me. Silly. Totally. Bore. Me.

And I didn't vote because of said stupid Calculus. I'd insert a curse word there, but some of the few people who might read this won't if I do. Hi, Mom.

Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Moan. (That doesn't count. I'm using it in the verb sense.) Cryyyyyy. I am soooo lonely.

I'm also terrified that I'll graduate again and still not be happy. I can't do that again. The world was my oyster before. I was successful and smart and accomplished and got smacked down. Smacked down. And gave up. And now, I'm something else.

/primal scream.

It's not 10:40 yet? I have to leave and go home at 10:40, or I will have the options of staying here all night or taking the subway and walking a loong way home, with a backpack that weighs more than a small child. If I wore that thing in the front, I could simulate pregnancy, except that it's too big to use for that.

...

I may be losing my mind.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Debating: Go buy something unhealthy for lunch or stay here and keep studying? 4.1 is done. Just loads of problems and 4.2-4.9 left. I need a shoulder to cry on. Preferably somebody else's. Actually, I can only think of one shoulder I'd really want to cry on, and he thinks I'm wierd, and possibly ugly.

Only because he's not of the leg-viewing privileged. The hand, talk to it.

/cry

/primal scream

Meh, food.
There's a Black man and a former Beauty queen who can see Russia from her house running for President today and I could care less, because I have a Calc test on Friday.

And I know she's running for VP, but if McCain dies in office, she gets to be President. First in line, no contest. Omigawd.

Here's my election day prediction though: McCain/Palin. I don't think this country will vote a Black man into office.

I hope I'm wrong. Then I hope he lives long enough to be President. And assuming all that, I hope he is a good President. We'll see. It is kind of exciting.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Stuff from yesterday:

I wrote what follows while working on my project, which works now, by the way, oh yeah. Also, is it weird if when writing () you take care not to separate parenthetical pairs if you make a mistake and have to add an extra ( or )? Hehe, I caught myself doing that. Guess I have the right blog, don't I?

Okay, here's the stuff from yesterday and then I have to learn the Illidan fight, fix my swing/auto shot timing, do my Calc HW for tomorrow, iron out the two remaining errors and the last 14 points from my project, come up with a color scheme (optional) for said project, locate and wolf down something to eat, find an IP address that may or may not be out there at work, raid Illidan (omg, omggg, friends are awesome things :) ) and still get to bed early enough that I'm coherent tomorrow.

Whee.

Yesterday (all my troubles seemed so far awaaaaay, do do do do do do dooo do do..):
I'm not sure how I've existed all this time not knowing about

debuggers.

Eclipse debugger, I lurv you.


Pop quiz, why doesn't this code work:

} else if (test < 0) {
result = -1;

/*if the current object norm is greater than that of

the passed in number
* return 1
*/
} else if (test < 0) {
result = 1;
}

return result;


Yeah, I feel dumb.

I also love the debugger. Babies?


Is it wierd to laugh at your computer screen when you're sitting alone
reading something funny?


There were zombies on the metro last night. There were also a gaggle
of kids in the car having a wonderful time running from said zombies.
Very cool. :D

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Live from Love Cafe, yet again. My stupid fractal program is drawing circles. &&^$#%@$!$% Yugh.

I had a thought: for the right person, I would be a support system as long as they respected me and my goal and life and career and right to exist as more than support. For that person, I'd have their babies. Heaven help them if they betrayed me though. I would be livid and hurt too. Very hurt. Anyway. Not sure what brought that on. Well, actually yes, I am, but whatever, it doesn't matter much.

Back to work. Fricking program. Q#@^

Oh, yeah, I woke up at 7am this morning. It was really 8 though, because of DST. Daylight Savings, not DragonSpine Trophy. Hehheh. Back to work.

I am totally a morning person. :D

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Heeee'eeeey, it's morning! I haven't been up and awake, let alone out and about, this early in forever. I love mornings! I had forgotten! It helps that it's really nice out. I'm at cakelove, my third place.

Let's see how much of this project I can finish today.