Be it ever so humble....

:D I'm emerging from work (not for another 10 days!!!!) and warcraft (75.5 and counting, yaaalll) to say that it is good to be home. Mom and Abuyya (what I call my Dad) and my awesome sister, picked me up at the airport terminal about an hour ago. It is good to be here. :) More later, if I feel like it. For the moment, bid me good leveling. I'd like to be raiding by next week, maybe sooner.

Ooh, and I must post here my ultimate intro-epic raid gear for hunters. But right now, back to leveling and then Dark Knight, which is supposed to be a really good movie. Oh, and you know, all that happy good energy from family. :D :D :D

Oh and I must add that I passed everything, some things better than others. :D It wasn't a great semester. It was, in fact, a crappy semester, but it's done and I survived. I'm employed and I don't have to repeat anything. I'm planning on joining the gymnastics team and I'm happy. Can't complain. There's more to life than grades. Now, next semester, I need to work on keeping more and getting the grades I can get. Because I can. Yes, I can! :D Hey, I told you I was in a good mood.

I'm done. I think finals went okay. I'm free! :D

I think I'm in the right field, finally

I like Computer Science. I like that I'm learning by doing. I like that I can think of a String in Java and know without a doubt that it is not a primitive type, because I've been using it all semester. I like that I am capable of writing a Java program that will take input and process it and produce output and I couldn't do that at the start of the semester.

For all the difficulty and regardless of how this semester turns out, I think I've found my THING.

:)

It's a good feeling.

1 down, 1 to go

Calc final is done. I didn't feel terrible on it. I got brain freeze from somebody clicking a pen next to me and couldn't for the life of me dredge up how to do an easy max/min problem, but I think it was mostly okay.

Comp sci is tomorrow, but at least it isn't until 4, so lots of time left to study. Then I have the rest of the day off after the exam and I'm free. Freeee! :)

Oh, also, I saw the team Jacob/team Edward concept somewhere. I listened to the audiobooks and I am firmly on team Jacob.

*a couple minutes later*

Eh, I went and found a picture of the actor who plays Jacob. I'm not terribly impressed. He's a little too pretty. I think their casting of Edward is spot on though, looks-wise anyway. I liked the actor who plays Edward in Harry Potter too.

Edward
Jacob

T-2 hours for Calc final. Wish me preparedness!

I want better customization in the world of applications.

Have you ever watched a movie where the hero/heroine has a laptop and needs to find out if the stocks transferred or the bomb exploded or the police are heading their way or the sensors have been tripped and they just hit a few random keys and wham! instant heads-up display.

I want one of those. Preferably, it'll read my mind and tell me what I need to know before I know that I need to know it. Also, it'll give me pop culture references for all occasions. 42!

If the ladder is sliding down the wall and the wall is sliding up the ladder, what is the rate at which an ant crawls over the 3rd rung.

Good Morning, Baltimore!

I'm spending the weekend with my parents so I don't have to worry about cooking and shopping and, of course, to see my parents.

One more day and then a half day tomorrow to study for the math final and then a day and a half to study for the comp sci final.

gogo, me.

3 days til done. 3 more days. 3 more days.

I need to go to bed.

I'm tired and grumpy and cranky. Yes, I am both grumpy and cranky. Nowadays working hard just gets me down a lot of the time. I don't feel like there's any payoff. Maybe I get something out of it and maybe not and the last time I worked this hard, it felt like climbing a mountain, getting to the top and resting a little and then getting ready to leap, feeling your haunches bunch under you and... getting smacked right back, how dare you try to fly? You might hurt yourself. I know I'm being cryptic and I'm not going to explain.

I'm supposed to be forgetting all this. But, I can't. It plagues everything I do that involves any kind of effort, which is everything. I'm going to bed.

At least the stupid finals are Monday and Tuesday. Awesome.

Gotta keep on moving

Come on, Schwartz! (Yes, I know the connotations, but w/e.) I need some motivation. I need to keep going here. 3 more days! 3 more days! Huurrrrrhhhggg. (That's the sound of effort.)

I have ideas for the blog too. Finally, ideas for a redesign, so I can get off this standard template.

*Sigh*

*Sigh* and again for good measure. *sigh*

My sister made unbelievable brownies. I am drowning in chocolate bliss. My sister gives me Nyasha complex, which is basically where the younger sister is perfect and the older is a spoiled bitch.

I wouldn't describe myself as a spoiled bitch. (Usually I'm self-aware enough to avoid that.) My sister is perfect though. She takes care of my grandmother half time, she does whatever my parents ask of her, she doesn't complain, is taller (not much, but taller) and prettier and skinnier than me and she's perfect. I can't help thinking that anyone I know would like her more. Plus, my dad likes her.

I'm not really jealous of her, but only because I love her, wouldn't trade her for anything. It's hard sometimes though to exist in the face of that kind of perfection. Especially because I don't think my dad likes me. I'm way too independent, I think, and lately, opinionated. I don't know how he feels about me. He doesn't talk to me though, unless I actively try to have a conversation with him. It's hard to describe and odd and a little strained, maybe more than a little. People in general don't react well to me without a lot of work though, I guess. I don't know.

I need to write my life story after exams. Then I need to read it as a casual observer, although I'm not sure I can do that. I need to get back to studying. Chain rule!

I'm 2/2 in complaints in my last two posts, so I figured I need to write something positive. I'm still attempting to force myself to study for finals, 4 more days til done!, so this will be short: If you've ever studied Calculus, you might remember the chain rule for deriving (and indirectly, integrating), complex functions. Well, I can do it! This is not huge, since you do so many chain rule problems. But, I need a positive here.

Also, here's a calculus poem that I wrote and that I am hugely and perhaps overly, proud of:

let's integrate babe,
I'll be your perfect f'
and you just be u.

Get it? :D

Because of that, I might never forget the substitution method of integration. Back to work.

Make it stop! I'm sitting in the TA room, waiting for help on my project and listening to the loud piggish grunting of my fellow students. Fucking blow your damn nose.

I loathe Calculus with all my heart.

We're on DC Blogs!!! An audience! Finally! I'm using too many exclamation points today! haha, anyway woohoo if you're reading this blog for the first time. Hopefully, you'll keep reading. I need some comments up in here. :D

And that's all for now. Calculus final is in 5 days and I need to study my little behind off. Oh, really quickly because I'm all proud of myself: Gymnastics final was today. We had a mock meet and I landed my front handspring vault! I did the floor exercise front handspring over a block so it doesn't count as much, but last Monday in practice, I landed it twice on the trampoline. This matters because I've been working on it all semester and those are the only two times I've landed it unassisted. I landed it though. I've improved. :D

The break needs to be all about hitting the gym and yoga. I am seriously thinking of going out for the exhibition team next year. Ok, back to work.

If you are ever in College Park, check out Pizza Roma. Cold double cheese pizza from there is awesome.

/cry. I want my life back. 5 more days. 5 more days til finals are over!

Blogging should be light the next couple days. Finals and all the attendant sleeplessness and misery are incoming, mostly because I'm new to the whole school thing again and botched my scheduling in general this semester. I have sworn off the forum I follow until finals are over. I swore off wow 3 weeks ago, not that I think it has helped that much. Maybe it has. Anyway, mostly au revoir until 12/16.

T-6

I was reading a poem someone wrote online, scrolled down and saw another poem written by the same person and thought for the first time in my life: "wow, you need to get laid." .02 at 2am :)

Hang in there, me. Hey, would anybody like to lend me a pair of arms? Just wrap that one around the left shoulder and that one around the right shoulder and squeeze, just a bit. Oh, and let me lean on your chest and put my arms around your shoulders. :)

I am Muslim and I don't know what else. I'm a student. A daughter. Not really anyone's friend, except my family and my one friend who lives too far away. I'm a doer, not a talker. I'm not comfortable with any group, except one and online groups are hard to judge and harder to assimilate into, especially when your definition precludes assimilation. I'm intelligent, and stupid. I'm, I don't know. Sigh. Stupid world.

Also, my sister makes good pumpkin pie, even to me, and I don't like pumpkin pie. This was good pumpkin pie though. Good pumpkin pie.

Insha'Allah, I'm going to Blogher next year. Hopefully, I'll buy my ticket as soon as my cashflow goes positive again. There's a skate race that weekend too, although I'm thinking to stay a month to make it easy on whoever gets me there and to have training time for the race. I can probably find a temp job or something, too. Good summer dough. Maybe I can find an internship or an ER scribe position, although that is short-term for an ER scribe position.

Arraylists and for-each loops are hot. *sizzle*

The Simpsons has Muslims on it! The little boy's mother has a veil too. I think I'm pleased. Note though: The u in Muslim is pronounced oo as in foot, not u as in bun. It doesn't rhyme with muslin. Thank you for reading. This has been your friendly informative moment.

Also, Homer is an idiot.

And I am pleased. I won't spoil it, but if you haven't seen it already and you have Muslims in your classes at school or you work with us or whatever and you don't talk to us or think we're freaks or whatever, watch the show. Maybe the funny-looking Simpsons people can enlighten you. Oh, and once again, oo not u. It doesn't rhyme with muslin.

Sort of like rhyme. Do you pronounce the "h"? No. Just because a word looks like it sounds one way does not mean it does.

Bedtime for me. :)

I'm debating going home for the weekend. It's just the hop from here in College Park to Baltimore and I have all my study stuff with me. Laptop + charger, check; Calculus book + problem sheet + calculator + solutions manual, check.

The only thing I don't have is the ticket that they didn't take the last time I went home. I could use said ticket, but it'll be good for a while. I could use it when I go home for semester break instead.

Eating my mom's cooking and hoping there's some blondie left vs. eating canned bean chili (I'm trying to be ultra- dirt- cheap right now.). Hmm, is there even a question?

I don't want to make the trip, but I want to go home. Eeny meeny miny mo. Oh well, I have a whole half an hour and then some to decide.

Edit: this blog needs a new design. I'm thinking cutout paper-looking shapes, trees, houses, smoke coming from the chimneys, a horse corral. It'll be a landscape going down the side of the page to replace the current blogger template. For the colors I'm thinking pale pastels: blue, green, some pink maybe. Of course, I can't do this until after finals.

T-10! 10! Hang in there, me.

Yay, I get to post again.

Ok, so I read a lot of blogs. Other people's blogs, that is, but I don't read the new posts. I read the starting posts. I am still hoping that eventually I will read all 2-3 years of back posts and get to the person's new posts. I wouldn't change the way I read them though. It's like reading a story. Just think how cool it'll be if I ever get to the part that's still happening. :D

I'm tired as usual. Too tired to post more. Too tired for full sentences. Debating going to bed and to sleep before 6:30. That tired. Calculus is still the bane of my existence this semester. I like Java though, which is very, very comforting and fulfilling and makes it all worth it. I might maybe, just maybe, have found my THING. That would be wonderful. Wonderful enough to make long, busy, sleepless nights and limits (aaaaaaaaiiiiiiieeeeee) worth it.

This is a note to myself because I'm in a forgetting mood right now. I forgot twice already what I was going to post about and then remembered each time.

So, 1/ Post helpful sounds for the study of Calculus. 2/ Post another episode of dear classmates or whatever I called it. 3/ Post something I just forgot. Maybe I'll remember what it was. 4/ Learn to draw draping and the effect of shapes on fluid shapes such as fabric, for a potential comic.

I'm so tired.

saving this spot for a looong update about stuff that happened to me like 2 weeks ago that is keeping me from writing new stuff that is happening to me.

2 weeks ago, lady loaned me her coat



2 weeks ago Wed, masquerade party



this week, went to movies, just before thanksgiving break


game boys


I don't mind if the guy I like way way too much doesn't like me. It'd be nice if somebody did though, and not in a platonic "omg, we're friends, giggle, man giggle" way either." More of a "oh, your...arms...they're so..armish..kiss me...kiss me..." way. lol, I am so weird. Awesomely weird. :)
:P

OMG. He doesn't like me! Get over him. Jeez.

Also, this stupid recap post has been sitting on my machine for over a week. I need to finish it already so I can get to posting more. I'm going to write my life story to date: my L-Sod, pronounced el sod. Us geeks love our acronyms. How did the acronymically inclined writer with a speech impediment dictate the second book in his series? He LISPed out a SQL. HarDeHarHar. :D I know. That was bad.

So tired, today is December 4 and I have been up since Dec 3 at 6 ish am. and I have a test tomorrow. Yay. And my project is not done to my liking. I am changing things next semester, hopefully. This is not cool at all.

Never lie down for "five minutes" if you're really tired and you need to get whatever you're doing done.

Sooooooo tired.

starDate 12; Captain's log;

So very tired. This is the second night in a row that I have been awake. But hey, my poker game works. It's kind of cool, too. :) AND I found out how to do the projects. Yar! You have to finish early enough to go to the TAs and get help making it work, if you need it.

I hate the stupid kissability, moistrosity Edge shave gel commercial. Hate it. Vengeance. That kind of hate.

I need to find a clip. It inspires the sort of hate you want to share with youtubers.

Aargh, busy. I quit Wow for a month. I just have to move the rest of my bank's mail to a place where it won't get deleted. School is more important. Yay! School is more important. I couldn't do it without the guild I'm in either. It's hard to make a game more important when all you people don't. :D

I r lucky. Now if only I could g. The sun was shining and it was chilly but not cold, you know those crisp Fall days? But the phone is doing the busy signal thing again, which means either that cats were making calls or that the wires are damp again. :-/

I'm starting a new feature today:

It's an advice column for my classmates/fellow students. I figure from my semi-exalted outside-looking-in position as a 2nd Bachelor's student of advanced age I have the distance and experience needed to give advice that will be summarily ignored. Omg, you're old enough to be dead... Well yes, isn't everyone?

Anyway. Here is episode 1 of Dear Classmates.

Dear Classmates,

I realize that during your formative years you bedded down with the cows and chickens at night. The cats cuddled up to your warm back and the dogs curled round your legs. In the morning, you stumbled out the open barn door and headed off for the 50 mile trek to school. Well guess what?? Your agrarian phase is over! Welcome to the world of doors to be closed and tissues and bathrooms with flushing toilets! Welcome to modern life! As you progress through this manual, you will learn all about dealing with modern conveniences and sensibilities.

Today's lesson has to do with yawning. More specifically, today's lesson covers what to do when you yawn. Let's have a quiz, shall we. Sure, college is all about pop quizzes.

When you yawn, you should:

a/ Make it as loud as possible and blow as much of your breath on your neighbor as possible. This is called the 'sharing of the breath' and is a common custom.

b/ Titter helplessly as though you didn't mean to yawn, but your body got the better of you all of a sudden.

c/ Politely cover your mouth.

If you didn't answer c, go back to your barn or look for me and don't sit next to me in your classes. I'm the veiled one. I will punch your fucking teeth out. Next time, we will address gum or maybe anger management. This has been Dear Classmates. Until next time, be less annoying.

OK, programming is for me. Admittedly, the server queue is > 1k, but I could be playing a different game while I wait and instead, I'm working on my project, not because I'm worried about it, but because I have an idea that might make it very easy and I want to see how it'll work.

Very cool.

Also, TdIL is annoying. Every time I think I could get over him and go on and find Duty Brother, if I'm lucky, he does something nice and I like him even more. Ugh. He'd either be mortified or laugh at me if he read this. Possibly both. I am crushing bad. Except this doesn't feel like a crush. Not at all. Blegh. Yurgh. /cry He'd like me if my legs were visible. Well, between the legs and the former hair he would anyway. Although, I am partial to the current hair, too. I miss my locks a little, but I needed the ROP. I'll explain that sometime.

Eh, nobody is worth that though. Although, he'd be the one that was if anyone. I am an idiot. I admit it. Freely.

This is not fair. Being weird and lonely works as long as you don't want anybody else. #$^$##%#@%#$^&This is not fair.

Yay. And my folks will read this, assuming anybody even still reads this and be like "ohno, Duty Brother, where is he, find one, quick!! omg, omg, freak out more." *grumble*

I don't want to have Duty Brother's babies. I'm tired of settling. Of course, not dying a virgin would be nice too. Not enough to want to have Duty Brother's babies, though. :-/

To the parental units: this is a blog. It's me, for real. If you want to harbor imaginary visions of me, don't read it. I'd like it if you did read it though. I feel like you don't know me. Like you haven't in a very long time. Like you have the total wrong idea. I don't know. I'm sorry if I'm wrong. Well here you go.

The problem with cooking for one is recipes like this, that require 2 Tbs flour and 1 Tbs of brown sugar. ....Where do you buy staples in miniscule amounts? Not to mention, where in the heck are you expected to store all that crap. My "pantry" is next to my shampoo, above my clothes. Yeesh.

omgogmogmogmggo omg. Excited! More later, insha'Allah. Also, tired. Sooo tired. I stayed up last night. This is nothing compared to the tired I will feel tomorrow, I'm guessing. I'm hoping on a proverbial 2nd wind though. :D

Later. I have to finish my calc hw before I go meet Ad.

Tired.

Now! I mean it!

ok

Go to bed!

Zain (my awesome Bro #2) told me about imeem (I know, I'm behind the times) and they have this:



I love that song.

I have a talent for missing opportunity. Also one for dwelling on it.

So. I didn't vote. A black man was elected to office and while I knew the state would go my way, I wasn't part of it. I voted in the last 2 elections but not in this one. I was too busy.

I have to stop being the kid lying on the floor alone while everyone else eats chocolate cake downstairs.

Ok, yes, I was studying and that time will maybe save my semester, but I still feel bad about it. Normally, I could care less which bad candidate wins but this time I wanted an Obama win. I didn't think he would win at all, but I wanted him too. And I didn't vote. My ballot wasn't cast.

/sigh

How much do tests matter? Actually, the problem is not the test or the election. The problem is that I didn't start the semester very efficiently.

So, fix that. Fix it. No beating myself up. I didn't vote, but I was there and I was doing what I was supposed to be. No beating myself up.

I'm taking the night off too, insha'Allah. With maybe an occasional math homework break. And I'm home. Yay! First time in a while.

No regrets. Move on. It's done. Move on.

more animals

Soo worn out.

Oh, yeah, new idea for a public radio piece. It seems that I will be too chicken to actually interview people, plus, I don't really have time right now. So, I will interview myself and tell my story and get it out and use I a lot. A LOT. And then maybe I can get past it and be more. Because no, no one else cares anymore that I didn't get to learn any of the non-academic things in life, but I care, to me it matters way too much.

Maybe it'd help.

Finished my Tuesday Calc HW. 10/10 Woot. I am so tired. I don't have a clue about arrays either and I have no food at home and I need to cook.

But, hey, my underwear and socks are clean. :D It's amazing how depressing lack of clean underwear can be. Socks too, but to a lesser extent. It's not like you can just, yuck, put on dirty underwear out of the hamper though. Not that I wear dirty clothes out of the hamper. No really, I don't. I keep my dirty clothes with my clean clothes, on the floor. Skyhooks ftw. Just kidding, I wash my clothes regularly. :P

Got most of Tuesday's homework done. Know how to do the rest. Getting ready to make the deck class for my poker class. A class is part of a Java program, Mom. :)

I forgot what I was going to write in the time it took to log in. Oh, I remember: I forgot to ask for decaf. I'm at CakeLove again. I can feel the caffeine starting to course through my veins. This is NOT a good thing. Crud.

Oh, I went to DC to find about about GW TKD this morning. I missed the class and then got lost and totally missed it. WTB streets that actually are where they geographically should be. Fewer circles, k thx. But, I saw a bunch of people with sparring gear coming out from the class and talked to them. So now, at least I know where they practice.

Also, stare central. Yeesh. @ GW people: Muslim, not terrorist. Not monster, not freak. Human being. Muslim. Like, I pray 5 times a day. I could care less about hurting you. I have better things to do. Like do shit despite you.

Anyway.

I'm learning to play poker. No, really, the next project for comp sci is a poker game so in order to implement the class, I have to learn the rules of poker. Interesting, so far. It looks like a fun project. I think I kind of like programming. I might like it more if I could just get my time under control. We'll see.

Tuesday, insha'Allah, I am going to the tkd class. I have to email them. I realized I'm not going to have friends/more of a life without changing something. Although, I'm not even sure I want or need either. Well, friends would be nice, but except for people, my life is pretty full.

I came out to my guild as a super-genius type smart person, not really though. I just told them about getting kicked out of nursing school for being 14. That was probably a good thing though, considering the international or Western world value of an African nursing degree. I need to do a story of my life series of posts. In due time. It'd probably be good for me.

Anyway, the conclusion I've come to is that it is a liability, not an asset to have been that..not smart, but whatever I was, that early. Shoot, I didn't even tell them I started college when I was 9. It seemed pretentious, like: *in haughty voice* "well, no, actually, I was extremely, awesomely, hugely smart." Even though it wasn't like that. It is not worth a whole lot now, except for weirdness and the fact that I have no clue how to be. All I can do, I think, is not let the starers and asswipes matter enough to hurt me or to stop me from doing something I really want to do. There's not much else for it. I'm not really a person. I don't know how to exist and they don't teach that sort of thing, if you miss it from 9 to 19, when all the normal people learned it. Whee.

Anyway, back to work.

Anyway. I figured I'd say it again, since I've said it so much already in this post.

ANYWAY.

I'm getting sleepy. Also, TdIL is still inappropriate and might laugh at me if he ever read this. Although, perhaps not in a mean way, even though he'd say something mean which wouldn't really be mean. Which is why I like him. He still thinks I'm weird, and possibly ugly. Oh cruel, cruel world. /drama /melodrama

Back to work. 30 min more of studying. But, hey, I can do freaking exponential problems now. Must collapse into bed the instant I get home. The Instant. The laptop must not leave the backpack. The desktop monitor must not be turned on. Brush the teeth. Change the shirt. Blegh, my sleep shorts are dirty, like the majority of my clothes. :-/

Sleepy. Sleepy. Sleepy. Sleepy. I'm going to try to debut my podcast this weekend, insha'Allah. I have 2 episodes recorded, although I don't know if the 2nd will make it to air. The first was surprisingly good when I listened to it on playback though. At least, I thought it was. :)

Mom can listen to it. :D Although, I don't even think she reads this blog now. I have no readers. None. Even my internet persona doesn't have any friends. /tears of bitterness /laugh at me /back to work

au revoir, peeps. peace, love, and unity. salaams

Noting for posterity, so I don't forget. I need to find out what to do with this degree and any possible graduate degree. I get to be new and malleable and not determined again, even more so this time, cause I'm grown! Hahahaha, I'm free!

So: Winter and Spring breaks and summers will be partially spent in different places in different environments doing different things. I have a good job, alhamdullilah and not huge expenses and I have skills. I can probably afford to go off somewhere for a week between semesters or a month in the summers and go learn about some field or industry.

Must do that. Must plan ahead. Will work for free if I can't get something paid, insha'Allah. The dragon stirs, folks. The dragon stirs!

Back to work, #Q% #@$#%#$ ^#@%@ % Calculus.

/cry /wail Frickin' relevant to my degree. /grumble

I fucking hate Calculus. With all my fucking heart. Fuck.

Almost forgot, I'll put it here for posterity. PUBLIC RADIO. I want a piece on This American Life. Not a whole show. Just a piece. About something I think is cool or somebody I find interesting or something.

My Calc teacher, who is this adorable old man who has probably forgotten more Math than I'll ever learn, gave us the practice test for Friday today. Omg. I understand like 90% of it. And what I don't understand is the stuff for which I missed lectures. (I was sick one day, and the other I hit snooze too early and the alarm didn't go off again and when I woke up it was already like 9. Class is at 8. It sucked too, because there was a quiz that should have been easy for me that day. I was fairly bummed.)

Anyway, I might might Insha'Allah, zomg, be able to do well on this test. A B maybe or dare I hope? Dare I, an A?

Shut up. Yes, I used to be the queen of As, A+s even, but this is a new life practically. Just wait til I make it kick in. Just wait til I start kicking asses and chewing bubble gum. Just wait til I run out of bubble gum. Yeah, you just wait.

Anyway, I have about 100 practice problems to do between now and Friday. Let the designing of improbable fences with very precise dimensions begin! If I ever have a horse, Insha'Allah I will not care about the absolute maximization of his paddock, but yeesh, I might be able to calculate it.

....

Not an awesome thought.

Guild is still hemorrhaging people left and right. (Also, hahahaha, gloatiness! I spelled that right the first time! Without spellchecker! Hahaha!)

The little things make me happy. Back to work.

Home. Hooooooome. Hoooome, sweet, dirty, cluttered home. I will clean and shop and cook on Friday, hopefully. Then, the plan is to log on to wow and make several heroic bosses cry. Cry. Then, maybe pwn some noobs in BGs. Disengage, what?

I'm not even unpacking anything but this laptop. Not even the adapter. Insha'Allah, I'm going to finish this post, log on and make sure I haven't been hacked today, and holler at the guildies, who may or may not holler back, being a taciturn collection of inverts, at least part of the time. Then again, maybe it's me.

I need to post on Craig's list too: wanted, one similar wierdo-loving freak to throw calculus problems at over the web. I may meet you for a coffee should you not prove to be the sort of creep who generally? frequents Craig's list.



He fucking won. Holy shit. Do your job, secret service. Keep the man alive.

It's not fair. I have to study Calculus. I still don't know what to do with my life. My daddy stunted my growth. I like, not am crushing on, zomg would have his babies a guy who is totally inappropriate and thinks I'm weird, oh, and possibly ugly. And, worse, appropriate men bore me. Silly. Totally. Bore. Me.

And I didn't vote because of said stupid Calculus. I'd insert a curse word there, but some of the few people who might read this won't if I do. Hi, Mom.

Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Moan. (That doesn't count. I'm using it in the verb sense.) Cryyyyyy. I am soooo lonely.

I'm also terrified that I'll graduate again and still not be happy. I can't do that again. The world was my oyster before. I was successful and smart and accomplished and got smacked down. Smacked down. And gave up. And now, I'm something else.

/primal scream.

It's not 10:40 yet? I have to leave and go home at 10:40, or I will have the options of staying here all night or taking the subway and walking a loong way home, with a backpack that weighs more than a small child. If I wore that thing in the front, I could simulate pregnancy, except that it's too big to use for that.

...

I may be losing my mind.

Debating: Go buy something unhealthy for lunch or stay here and keep studying? 4.1 is done. Just loads of problems and 4.2-4.9 left. I need a shoulder to cry on. Preferably somebody else's. Actually, I can only think of one shoulder I'd really want to cry on, and he thinks I'm wierd, and possibly ugly.

Only because he's not of the leg-viewing privileged. The hand, talk to it.

/cry

/primal scream

Meh, food.

There's a Black man and a former Beauty queen who can see Russia from her house running for President today and I could care less, because I have a Calc test on Friday.

And I know she's running for VP, but if McCain dies in office, she gets to be President. First in line, no contest. Omigawd.

Here's my election day prediction though: McCain/Palin. I don't think this country will vote a Black man into office.

I hope I'm wrong. Then I hope he lives long enough to be President. And assuming all that, I hope he is a good President. We'll see. It is kind of exciting.

Stuff from yesterday:

I wrote what follows while working on my project, which works now, by the way, oh yeah. Also, is it weird if when writing () you take care not to separate parenthetical pairs if you make a mistake and have to add an extra ( or )? Hehe, I caught myself doing that. Guess I have the right blog, don't I?

Okay, here's the stuff from yesterday and then I have to learn the Illidan fight, fix my swing/auto shot timing, do my Calc HW for tomorrow, iron out the two remaining errors and the last 14 points from my project, come up with a color scheme (optional) for said project, locate and wolf down something to eat, find an IP address that may or may not be out there at work, raid Illidan (omg, omggg, friends are awesome things :) ) and still get to bed early enough that I'm coherent tomorrow.

Whee.

Yesterday (all my troubles seemed so far awaaaaay, do do do do do do dooo do do..):
I'm not sure how I've existed all this time not knowing about

debuggers.

Eclipse debugger, I lurv you.


Pop quiz, why doesn't this code work:

} else if (test < 0) {
result = -1;

/*if the current object norm is greater than that of

the passed in number
* return 1
*/
} else if (test < 0) {
result = 1;
}

return result;


Yeah, I feel dumb.

I also love the debugger. Babies?


Is it wierd to laugh at your computer screen when you're sitting alone
reading something funny?


There were zombies on the metro last night. There were also a gaggle
of kids in the car having a wonderful time running from said zombies.
Very cool. :D

Live from Love Cafe, yet again. My stupid fractal program is drawing circles. &&^$#%@$!$% Yugh.

I had a thought: for the right person, I would be a support system as long as they respected me and my goal and life and career and right to exist as more than support. For that person, I'd have their babies. Heaven help them if they betrayed me though. I would be livid and hurt too. Very hurt. Anyway. Not sure what brought that on. Well, actually yes, I am, but whatever, it doesn't matter much.

Back to work. Fricking program. Q#@^

Oh, yeah, I woke up at 7am this morning. It was really 8 though, because of DST. Daylight Savings, not DragonSpine Trophy. Hehheh. Back to work.

I am totally a morning person. :D

Heeee'eeeey, it's morning! I haven't been up and awake, let alone out and about, this early in forever. I love mornings! I had forgotten! It helps that it's really nice out. I'm at cakelove, my third place.

Let's see how much of this project I can finish today.

Sad. Tired. Hormonal. There was a ladder hanging from a crane while I was at the DC library on the weekend. I found a place in the back of the 2nd floor stacks where there's a corner of two picture windows opposite a historical building. Good place to pray, good place to study if you can sit crosslegged, which I can, although not for very long. :)

K, I have work to do. I have to stop thinking about Abuyya. It just depresses me right now.

I spoke too soon. I care about the sqrt of yuck. Aargh. Still in a good mood. (Actually working.) :D

I like max/min problems so far. This is why:

D'(x) = x/(yucky nasty)^.5 = 0

Guess what? I don't care what yucky nasty evaluates to!!! Is that not the most awesome thing evar??

Back to work, I'm at Love Cafe again. I'm actually doing Calc HW!! (I think this is going to be my 3rd place.) I'll explain what that is later, in case you're not familiar with the term. Later. :)

I'm in a good mood again.

3rd place? Check?

K, weirdo is in DC, at Love Cafe, the brainchild of lawyer - turned - baker Warren something. I've read a lot of bad reviews about the cupcakes, but came here anyway and wasn't disappointed. The cupcake was really, really good. Maybe not like Nuwra's, but very good. Melt on your tongue icing, substantial but not brickish cake.

I'm not a gourmand or anything, but I enjoyed it, and the hot chocolate I washed it down with was lacking in whipped cream but otherwise very good also. Maybe you have to ask for whipped cream, I don't know.

I could see myself getting a lot of work done here. I'm not getting it done at home, that's for sure.

Back to work. I just started this project - way too late and I'm stuck on the first part. Woohoo. /end sarcastic enthusiasm.

Sooo tired. I fell asleep at work today. Fortunately, the people that came in were all people who like us a lot, mainly because we've done good work in the past for them or are handling something sticky with poise and aplomb. We're good at poise and aplomb.

Anyway, I am way too tired. I raided last night, sure, but then I went to bed at a decent time. 1:30 am > 2am, which is when I usually fall into bed. I want to go home. Like, now. And eat and take the night off. Except I won't, because I want to start the weekend out right for once and be ahead of the work curve.

Goals for the weekend: Finish all Calc HW for next week. Understand for once how the heck to do problems based on what we did this week (extreme values). Finish my programming project. Update my wow addon so it doesn't spew way too many decimal places of attack speed, although that last is minor, very minor compared to the others. Oh yes, and level inscription, if I decide to. And decide what to do about wrath raiding.

Whee! Look Mom, I'm blogging at work. It's a slow day here in the halls of techdom, so I have my uber-awesome Gateway P-6831FX, best laptop evar set up next to my work machine.

I shouldn't be this happy. Apparently I am losing not only brain cells but also the drive and ambition to labor in pursuit of grades. I want more! I consider this is a step forward. I actually want to be able to do something when I graduate. I already have a degree Summa Cum Laude. It wouldn't kill me terribly to not have another one. Ok, I lie a little. 2 Summa degrees would be awesome. But, if it's a choice between 2 Summa degrees and one Summa and another that's not but during the pursuit of which I had a life, and friends and stayed weird but got unbroke and spoke to non-work, non-family, non-zomg we-sit-next-to-each-other-in-class-and-periodically have-a-monosyllabic-exchange people on a regular basis it would be worth the very very slight blow to my ego and the inability to brag over my 3.8, 3.75, 3.9 w/e. I'm going for a 3.5. Why 3.5? Because it opens up honors. I'm a girl, my epeen isn't all that important to me.

Anyway, point is, I had a calc exam this morning which I probably bombed. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, probably in part because I raided last night and got enough sleep last night, both vital to my mental happiness. :)

Oh, and I still have some smartness left :D. I taught myself Newton-Raphson method and the other, more basic version of linear approximation in about 20 minutes this morning.

See, that frustrates me a little: If I could just get the efficiency within going before the morning of the exam, how much easier would all this be???

I can't complain though. Raid night was great, despite having to get guildies' friends to come in and fill up the raid. I did get enough sleep. I don't feel tired or grumpy or hormonal and most important...I AM STUDYING.! I'm studying, I want to study, even if I'm not highly effective in my study habits, yet. Yet.

It could be sooo much worse.

Weirdo is studying tonight. Okay enough with the third person. Too easy to disassociate from myself doing that. I'm listening to PRI's Selected Shorts Podcast and doing math homework and periodically leveling my druid.

I had a raid before, which went very well, IC to 45%+- 2% or so. Now I'm staying up all night in the library. Hopefully, I'll get this homework done like this. Plus, it somehow feels better than being at home, although it is a little chilly in here. I need to make myself a sweater or a shawl, and an afghan. Mom said not to look like a homeless person carrying a blanket. I love my Mom's sense of humor. It's dark sometimes and mean sometimes and based on evil laughter sometimes, but it's priceless.

My programming project is due Wednesday. I haven't even started it yet. Must catch up.

Back to work.

Oh, before I forget, the reason I'm writing here at all is Sherman Alexie. I love his work. His stories make me cry, but I love them. If you haven't read Flight and and The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, get them. Especially get the Absolutely True Diary..., I laughed, I cried. I think I still have the audiobook of Flight on my mp3 player. I still listen to it periodically too, when I'm on a period of listening to my mp3 player. (I leave it in my backpack for months sometimes and then take it out and listen to it for a couple days or weeks.)

Okay, now back to work.

Another day, another blog, same wierdo

As of today, I have about 7 or 8 semi-written blogs floating around the interwebz. Welcome, Mom. :)

I don't have a readership, as far as I know, but as long as I'm not too negative, my Momz might read this.

So, as introduction, let me say that this is the story of how I went from sad and lonely and weird to happy and friendful?, ummm, friended?, whatever, and weird. I'm being optimistic here.

My weird isn't going anywhere anytime soon, if I'm lucky. :)

There are four steps involved here:
1. Focus at work.
2. Focus when I'm supposed to be in class/doing schoolwork.
3. Find an extracurricular activity where I fit at least a little.
4. Discover DC! On weirdo terms!

K. That's the plan.

Right now, off to do some #2. (Write my programming project, that is. ^^)